What We Get from Giving Thanks

I remember a time once in my less than easy youth when I was going through some kind of trauma. I can’t really recall exactly what the problems was (which, in itself, is a rather large hint about how transient some of our crises really are) but I can assure you that at the time I thought it was very nearly the end of the world. I’m not meaning to be uncompassionate with myself; it’s just that it was so big then, and absolutely gone now.

In any case, I was suffering greatly, crying a lot, and feeling that there was no solution and absolutely nowhere I could turn. I couldn’t think of anyone who was near enough to me with whom I could share this burden. But finally I hit upon an idea I had sometimes offered to counseling clients—call a Crisis Hotline!

Trembling and in tears, though somewhat embarrassed, I dialed their number. The volunteer on the other line was kind and caring. He did some wonderful reflective listening while I enumerated the countless facets of my pain. He was very patient, and after about half an hour of unloading, I was feeling somewhat better, and I thanked him, and went on with my day.

But the next day I was back in the same state. The benefits of my unburdening had not lasted and I was still overwhelmed. I felt I needed to dump some more. So I called again.

This time the person who answered was sweet, but she also quickly cut to the chase. As I launched into my laundry list of misfortunes, she stopped me short.

“I want you to make a list of the things for which you are grateful. What is it in your life you want to give thanks for?” she asked.

“No, no, no,” I explained to her. I had serious problems and I had to solve them. I didn’t have time right now to focus on gratitude! I was a little irritated at her.

“Tell me 20 things for which you would like to give thanks,” she prodded gently. I became more annoyed. I didn’t want to be grateful, I wanted her to listen to my complaints, to feel my feelings…to sympathize…like the last guy did. I told her that, too, and insisted that his kind of support was what I wanted—not a bunch of positive thinking at a time like this!

“I’ll tell you what,” she offered. “Why don’t you give this a try. Hang up, and just make a list of 12 things in your life that create a sense of thankfulness in you, and then if you still want to talk to me, just call back. Here’s my direct number….”

Well, she was being so adamant, I had no choice. So I figured, quick, I’ll get it over with, then call back. Maybe I would get a different volunteer–someone who would listen better than she did. Someone who had solutions.

So I got out a paper and pen and sat there and started to think about what I really appreciated in my life. At first the ideas came slowly, as I thought of some of the special people in my life. But then I started to recollect other people, situations, abilities, for which I was grateful, and the ideas kept speeding up. I was somewhere around number fifteen, having passed number twelve without noticing, when I realized that I felt much, much better. It wasn’t that the issues weren’t still there, but they now fit into a larger perspective and solutions were suddenly clear. Something had shifted when I’d taken on an attitude of gratitude. The change inside of me had somehow allowed me to see more clearly, more intuitively, and in a way that made me more receptive to allowing myself to perceive how my needs could be met.

Thankfulness became my friend. I started applying it in different ways in my life. I became curious about gratitude and started to wonder about its function and effect in people’s lives. I started to notice that when people felt guilty or unappreciative about receiving something, they wouldn’t really acknowledge the gift, or they’d give a cursory “thanks” without feeling in it. This, I observed, seemed to leave the giver feeling depleted, a little empty. I also consistently saw that when people really allowed themselves to appreciate what they received, they would take a big breath, their faces would light up with a smile, and they’d make eye contact while expressing their gratitude with a measure of enthusiasm. The giver, in turn, also felt gratified, satisfied, complete. And I also noticed that the giver tended to be even more giving.

I started to see the cyclical nature of giving thanks. The giving of thanks or appreciation is a gift back to the giver. Perhaps that is why the expression is to give thanks, for as we offer gratitude for that which is received, the giver then receives our focus and energy, and the circuit is complete. In addition, the very act of perceiving or focusing on what is received opens the door for more receiving. Perhaps this is why those who don’t feel gratitude often seem to be surrounded by folks who feel drained. Giving thanks is an energetic giving back to the source of our gifts—whether they are loved ones, strangers, circumstances or God.

But giving back our appreciation does not only feed the source, it also feeds us. We feel lighter, happier, and more fulfilled. In giving thanks we ground that which we have received into our lives rather than overlooking it. We make it our own, and are thus able to utilize it completely. If we do not perceive or acknowledge what we receive, we do not completely allow it into our systems, and thus are not able to access it fully as a resource. Giving thanks makes the gifts we have received our own, and thus magnifies our experience of abundance in life. And as we experience abundance in specific situations, because we are open to receive, it tends to generalize into other areas of our lives.

So, at this time of year, when we set aside a special time for giving thanks, let us consider how we can maximize our gratitude and expand it into other areas and times of our lives. It is this “receiving of the giving and the giving of the receiving” which enriches our lives and those of others. Even the smallest gift becomes great as we focus our receptivity on it. And thus it follows that the more we give thanks, the greater our abundance, sharing, and happiness.