How to Have Happy Holidays

Ah, the holidays. We usually think of them with fond memories, happy anticipation—and a little bit of strained dread. Yes, the joy of giving, the anticipation of receiving, the gatherings, the excitement of holiday shopping, the parties, the colors, the sparkle, the lights—and the rememberance of the meaning and the inspiration behind the holiday—these fill our awareness as December comes to a close. There is so much to fill our minds and senses that we often don’t notice as the stress slowly, almost imperceptibly, takes over the holiday season.

So here are some ways to avoid that pitfall. We all know it happens, and we really don’t want to admit it, but each year we pledge to do it differently next time. And we can. These are some ways to come out of the holidays feeling renewed and appropriately rejuvenated by the spirit that brought this season of celebration into being.

1. Keep remembering that this is the season for love, sharing, and celebration of our highest ideals. It is helpful if we find a little time each day to recall the original purpose of the holidays. What are the values they inspire, and how can we incorporate them into this time of remembering? How can we put them into practice on a daily basis, and what are some practical ways to keep them at the forefront of our consciousness? Perhaps take a little time to think about how this might be fulfilled. Set time aside to talk about it with friends and family and decide how you are going to keep that focus. Who can you ask today to be your aspirations buddy, so you can both remind each other what it’s really all about? Before the busyness of the season takes over, decide in advance how you intend to create it with quality.
2. Simplify everything. Christ was born in a humble manger. The wise men each brought one simple gift. We tend to allow this time of year to become incredibly complex for us. Between our own expectations and our worries about how others might judge us we sometimes try to be all things for all people. We often attempt to fulfill every thought, idea, imagination, and desire that we and everyone else has. Instead, we might consider a more minimalist approach. Consider what creates simply joy, relaxation, and true communion. Rarely does more “stuff” actually fulfill us more. Again, keep returning to what is really important. Make decisions in advance about how this will be fulfilled.
3. Watch the expectations! So often we somehow let our greatest aspirations turn into striving to feel good. This is a distinction that is important to be aware of. It is a subtle shift in focus that comes from assuming that we should somehow feel constantly fantastic. The holidays are supposed to be perfect, right? Well, the expectation alone can set us up for enormous disappointment. We think we should feel overwhelming love, a constant sense of charity and goodness, and that we should be having an incredibly good time. It’s a wonderful ideal, but the fact is, most of the time we will just feel normal, or even a little tired and stressed from all of the extras we often try to fit into the season. So, we can circumvent this by simply enjoying the love, sharing and celebration that come along—however limited in imperfect they might be—and then telling ourselves it is quite sufficient to just be feel normal the rest of the time. Consciously choosing to catch our expectations when they come up, and making the decision to replace them with acceptance of whatever life is bringing to us, will greatly enhance our enjoyment of the holiday season.
4. Be pre-emptive in your stress-busting. Most of us are perfectly aware of how we set ourselves up for stress, but then habitually wander into the patterns that create it without giving it thought until after we’re exhausted. Why not take stock of those patterns now, in advance, and make plans now to do things differently. I remember the year I gave up sending Christmas cards. Wow, what a difference that made in my enjoyment of the season! It’s not that I don’t think it’s a wonderful idea—and I may do it again some time, but the sense of obligation itself created so much stress for me that I lived in dread of the undertaking, and often never finished until well after the New Year. We all have ways that we set ourselves up for stress—too much food, too much drink, trying to fulfill too many obligations, trying to work extra hard, feeling we must wear too many hats, keeping extra long hours, trying to be happy every moment—you name it, if we have expectations about ourselves, we will create stress around those expectations. So why not consider paring back a little. Notice where you overdo it, and make alternative plans in advance.
5. Cut back food and drink intake. Now, that’s a novel idea! In an effort up increase our enjoyment of the season, most of us typically eat and drink more than usual. Once again, it is the expectations of increased joy and happiness that often sets us up. Ironically, those feelings come more easily when we’re not stuffed. By the time the New Year comes around, our primary resolution is to lose weight! But we do not have to eat more, consume more alcohol, and gobble every one of the countless extra goodies that pass before our eyes this time of year. We are seduced by past history and a barrage of advertising into thinking more is better. Daily we watch models and actors laugh ecstatically amidst sparkling lights and swirling colors as they consume and imbibe; and we run to the refrigerator in an effort to duplicate the feelings they portray. Yet if we keep in mind that the allure of more and more and more simply isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, we can maintain a measure of detachment. We can practice fully enjoying small portions. And we can avoid the crash the follows extra alcohol and the coma that follows stuffing ourselves. Instead of succumbing to all of the temptations that surround us this time of year, we could choose to actually feel good instead.
6. Sit back, relax and enjoy. In whatever way works for each of us, we are often best served by making sure there is time for rest and relaxation. As we get caught in the consumerism and the intent to party, we forget to sit quietly by the fire, to sing-along, to take walks alone or with loved ones, and to schedule large empty times with nothing to do. Rather than getting lost in the rat-race this year, why not consciously choose how to celebrate? We do not have to be doing something all of the time. We might also spend time watching, listening, appreciating, noticing, and breathing. Why not bring the spirit of these holidays into everyday life in a quiet and gentle way? Why not take time to enjoy the peace that is the original inspiration for this internal time of year? This can become the greatest gift we can give, both to ourselves and to those we love.

Happy Holidays! –Carolyn